Sunday, March 22, 2020 - after dinner rant

The being locked in a house with all my children for 8 days is now wearing on me.

I literally just called down the stairs and shouted,

"Do you have any idea what it's like being locked in a house together for a week and hearing EVERY interaction between the two of you?  Sometimes it's fighting, sometimes it's not, but there is LITERALLY NEVER A BREAK FROM IT!!!!  For the love of everything that is holy, please be quiet!!!!"

Think it will work???

I went for a walk today with Lida - after sleeping in until 2 pm.  Yes, you read that right.  My wonderful husband delivered breakfast in bed to me around 10 am.  I woke up long enough to eat it, and then replied to him, "I don't wanna".  He responded, "What don't you want to do?" and I replied as I waved my hand in a round motion in front of me, "ANY OF IT.  TODAY.  I don't want to do today".  To my great surprise, he responded, "Then don't.  Go back to sleep".

So I did.

Might I also mention I was up till 3:30 am because I took a nap.  And the same pattern happened yesterday.  I'm going to do my best to not nap today.  Cuz ya know, I only woke up at 2 pm.  So really, WHEN is there TIME for a nap?!

I tried to not worry today.  I'm a worrier.  That's what I do.  And I do it REALLY well.  So well in fact, that it made me a STELLAR project manager.  Because I ALWAYS saw the risks.  And I was good enough at my job that I did a great job at mitigating those risks.   The difference between work and home life is I don't have as much emotion attached to work.  I am very passionate about what I do - whatever it is.  I give with my whole self into whatever I'm doing.  But I wouldn't run into a burning building to save my boss.  I might motion like I was going to, with the hope someone would hold me back...ya know I've given the reach...

But my family.  My kids.  I would die for them in a second without even thinking about it.

When I think about it, I'm spoiled.  ROTTEN. What do I miss and why am I annoyed?

I miss sushi.  I miss eating out.  I miss having a break from my kids.  I miss quiet afternoons right before they would get home from school.  I miss cleaning and it staying clean for at least 4 hours before the kids got home.

But what don't I miss or feel right now?

I don't have to feel worried every day I might bring home a deadly virus that will put my family at risk.
I don't have to feel scared of going to work.  I don't have to feel the ungratefulness of strangers as I work my butt off to fight this thing, and they are not practicing social distancing or are even going one step further and having friends over!

So lucky I am in fact that in the middle of typing this, I stopped to shout down to my children and call my youngest autistic kid an asshole.

Yup I'm THAT Mom.

sigh.

For all you fuckers not taking this seriously - SERIOUSLY - FUCK YOU.

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