Sunday, March 22, 2020 - early morning ramble

March 22, 2020

Last Friday it was announced that the boys school would be closed for an additional 2 weeks following March break due to an outbreak of a virus called the Corona Virus.  Hints of the virus were circulating social media, but mostly in memes and jokes.  The only truth to what was circulating was it originated in China, and that the Chinese government was working to contain it. 

Well with air travel being what it is, the virus has quickly spread.  It’s anywhere from a really bad flu to deadly – having you froth at the mouth and gasping for air as your lungs drown yourself. 

The health minister of Ontario got on a press release and mentioned something about stocking up on toilet paper and the essentials as the province may shut down in efforts to “flatten the curve”; a graph of infected individuals over time.  For the past week or more, toilet paper has not been found anywhere!  March 12, I placed an order on Amazon and it took 5 days to arrive – but thankfully it did arrive.  Now we are well stocked. 

Visits to local grocery stores are showing shelves to be bare as everyone stocks up for the coming of days.  Meat refrigerators are empty, shelves are bare – I can’t even find bread machine yeast!  (Thought if I couldn’t buy bread, I could make it – apparently, others had the same thought!)

The stock market is in the shitter.  A friend has lost over a million dollars in the last week alone.  And things don’t look like they are going to get any better any time soon. 

Businesses are closing up shop.  Only essential services are staying open.  Grocery stores and pharmacies.  Restaurants are only allowed to have take out, although some don’t seem to be heeding the new bylaws.  Streets are like ghost towns.  Shops boarded up. 

And we are at home.  We have been ‘self-isolating’ since the Friday they announced the school would be cancelled for two weeks following March Break.  Paul and I have been out a few times to run errands or pick up groceries.  We tried the ‘pick up’ service at Zehrs the other day.  Order online.  Arrive at your pick up time.  Call.  Groceries delivered to your car.  Only my order wasn’t ready until an hour after my pick up window and even then took over half an hour once we arrived at the store to come out. 

We’ve taken the dog for walks through the forest.  She ran around completely oblivious to anything going on in the world.  And for a minute, we forgot too, as we laughed at her antics and groaned at her rolling around in the mud!  OH LIDA!!  We had to dig out the hose when we got home (thank goodness it was almost 10 degrees that day) and spray her down. 

There’s been lots of time in the hot tub.  Lots of electronics time.  Lots of movies and shows watched.  LOTS of homecooked meals from kraft dinner to lasagna and dessert waffles with homemade whipped cream. 

And today, we saw the first stress tears from our youngest son.   Overtired from a week of no schedule, late bedtimes, and no sleep-ins.  A complete meltdown.  Watching him struggle to contain his emotions in his little body, I struggled to contain mine. 

Honestly, I’m scared. 

I’m scared for the health of my family.  I am terrified of what getting the virus could do to my family.  To my boys.  To our youngest who is already immunocompromised.   What if I got it, and could not take care of my family?  Had to be in isolation?  What if both Paul and I got it?  How would we take care of our boys?  What if we all got it?  What if one of us had to be hospitalized?  Some of us?  ALL OF US?! 

How are my parents going to get home?  Both my parents are in the high-risk category.  My father has respiratory issues on the best of days.  Will they catch it on the plane?  Will they allow them to come home?  What if they are in Mexico for months? 

And that’s just the health aspect.  What about my very young real estate business?  What about my clients?  Are they okay?  Are they healthy and safe?  Are they able to afford the new mortgages on the new homes I just helped them purchase?  Will any of them lose their homes because of this? 

What about my husband’s job?  As the breadwinner, we both worry about this one a lot.  How will we recover if he is laid off? 

Our rental properties.  It’s great to own 6 homes when people are paying rent.  What if they can’t afford to pay rent anymore?  Are WE going to lose houses over it? 

My middle son’s school year.  He’s in grade 8.  Looking forward to a graduation ceremony.  Looking forward to a grade 8 trip.  Looking forward to a trip with Mom and Dad.   He’s had the best year academically he’s ever had.  All A’s!  I’m so proud of him I could burst!!  Is he going to lose his year?  Will he have to repeat?  Does he move onto high school without a graduation ceremony? 

And these are just SOME of the thoughts bouncing around in my mind. 

The biggest of all of them: how does this end?  What is the foreseeable end to this pandemic?  Do we create a vaccine for it?  Is it eradicated?  What do predictable timelines look like on this?  How much longer can we live like this???

I’m trying to be productive with my time off.  I’ve been wanting to clean out the storage room for months now.  And the cold cellar.  Both are done.  Next up: garage!  Just waiting for the bin to arrive in our driveway!  I also have a long list of sewing projects that I could finally make a substantial dent in!  And I could write.  I love to write.  It calms me.  All of a sudden, the thoughts aren't bouncing around in my head - they are out.  Crystalized and materialized onto the page and justified.  They are more than worries and insomniac creators, they are stories and narratives worthy of being read.  

When I registered the name for this blog I started to type “Surviving CoVid19” and before I was even finished I changed it to “Living through CoVid19”.

Our reality might be changed forever.  We may have to adjust our sails and navigate through stormy waters.  Things might never go back to the way they once were.  I don’t want to just survive that.  I don’t want my kids to merely survive that.  I want us to learn to live.  Live through and in every moment that comes our way.  I’m not willing to hand over everything to CoVid just yet. 

My babies, my heart in three pieces, are safe and protected here in the den.  And this Momma Bear isn’t going to let anything stand in her way of protecting them and letting them live as much as possible! 

I will NOT let fear run my life.  I will not let FEAR run my children’s lives.  We will be smart.  We will be thoughtful and helpful to the best of our limited ability. 

And at the end of our days, which are hopefully in a really REALLY long time, we will be able to stand tall knowing we did more than ‘make the best of it’.

We were generous, we lived and we loved. 

And really, on any given day, CoVid or not, that’s all we can hope for, right?